Gratitude

While writing my morning pages today, I came to tears.  I realized how truly blessed I am with the people in my life.  Some are no longer playing an active part, however they all have given me so many gifts.  Some gifts came easy, effortless, and opened upon receipt.  Others were more difficult, where the act of unwrapping them was a lesson in itself.

I am also feeling a great deal of compassion for those stricken with addiction.  This has been such a dominating theme in my life.  So many loved ones in my life have been addicts.  My mother and father, to begin, spent my childhood chasing the euphoria that drugs bring.  My sister followed in their footsteps to a much lesser degree.  Looking back on this, I can’t help but feel the overwhelming pain they felt, so keenly felt that they had to escape.  My parents lost a child, my sister and I lost our brother.  Our lives were riddled with death, depression, drug abuse, sexual abuse, verbal and physical abuse, Alzheimer’s, manic-depression, manipulation, suicide, schizophrenia, and cancer.  Not just a list, I feel each one on a cellular level.  I was the lucky one.

My family wanted to feel happiness, at whatever cost, just one ounce of true happiness in a life of sadness.  They wanted to feel alive, floating above the surface of all this shit like a god.  And after flying, feeling untouchable, forgetting the infinitesimal problems of humans, who wouldn’t long to remain there forever?

I am grateful I never had the experience, never felt more than this.  Knowing my mind, I wouldn’t be able to resist.

Reboot

I’d like to have some excuse as to why I didn’t meditate on friday.  And I do.  However the weekend pasted without a moment of meditation.  So I’m starting over today.  I certainly anticipated this process to be easier.  The lesson of week one?  Make time in the mornings.  I can see why The Artist Way morning pages are not evening pages.  Something about the early hours that set the pace of the day, and I’m more productive before noon.  Lesson learned, I hope.

Week 1

The week closed with a good meditation, as I realized the importance of posture.  Keeping my back straight is essential! Last night I decided to meditate relaxed on my friend’s couch (bad decision).  Ten minutes of getting nowhere running circles around my mind, then I dropped down to the floor.  Sitting Indian style with the couch as a back support, I quickly went under.

I am noticing difficulty with scheduling time to do my meditations.  All week long they took place in the evenings, sometimes at ten or eleven at night, and I’d much rather have them in the morning before I start my day.  All in all, this is testing my willingness to make time for myself, and it’s a growth process to say the least.

Thanks to all who have shown interest in my progress with this, and by all means feel free to join me in your own way.  I’m thinking of creating a group meditation sometime toward the end of the three weeks.  Still just a thought at this point…

Days 2 and 3

Day two was difficult.  I found myself scrambling to fit time in, and I was highly distracted most of the day.  The meditation followed suit, only managing about 15 minutes of silence until I was beckoned by reality to return.

Yesterday was a different story.  I allotted time in my day to create peace and even though changes in plans threatened to steal it away, peace came regardless.  I fell into a fairly deep meditation rather quickly with little effort.  25 minutes flew by in a flash, and I felt accomplished.  Focusing on increasing time and efficiency this first week, and hoping that peacefulness infects all areas of my life.

And so it begins…

Inspired by my girlfriend, Michelle, I’ve decided to start a 21-day meditation project.  Starting last night, I will meditate everyday on different topics using different methods.  I will keep track of my progress here, ideally on a daily basis.

Last night I meditated outside in the rain for about twenty minutes.  A covered bench provided a comfortable place to clear my mind.  Sitting outside, rain dripping and trickling down around me, I imagined this to be perfect for my first meditation.  Alas, my monkey mind prevailed.  I had to redirect my thoughts every other moment, it seemed,  and a few times they escaped from my grasp altogether, running amuck some colorful fantasies.  Perhaps today’s meditation will prove more successful.

My goals for this project include: meditating for a full hour without interruption (from my own own thoughts or external stimulus), a greater sense of peace in my life, more “peek” experiences, and greater understanding of all things.

I invite all who are willing to join me in this project.  I have set the schedule for 21 days (the time it takes to start a new habit) however I plan to continue on following its completion.  The more people involved in this level of growth, the greater the cumulative energy for all to grow.

Psych Paper…100%

Theorist Kurt Goldstein was the first to coin the term “self-actualization” when he identified the ultimate motive to realize one’s own potential. This was the dominant motive or driving life force in that all other motives were merely products of it. However the phrase didn’t receive much light until Abraham Maslow later highlighted and expanded this idea in his hierarchy of needs theory, with self-actualization at the top. The term has become quite common in present day psychology with regard to the humanistic approach.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs consists of five levels leading bottom-to-top. The base level of needs is physiological in nature, and consists of things needs for human survival. Food, water, sex, breathing, and homeostasis are some of the needs located in this level. The next level builds upon the previous one. So long as the physiological needs are met, one may begin meeting needs of safety. These include personal and financial security, health, and general well being. The third level is concerned with love and belonging. This includes family, friendship, sexual intimacy, and social or religious groups. Often times the need for love can outweigh the needs of lower levels. For instance, a person may engage in an intimate relationship with violent person, thus ignoring the obvious need for safety and personal welfare. The fourth level of needs is that of esteem. This consists of self-esteem, confidence, respect from others and personal achievement. The top and final level of needs is self-actualization. This level can only be reached if all lower levels of needs are not only satisfied, but also mastered entirely. This level embodies the realization of one’s individual potential.

To be self-actualized is to be fully independent and free from the power of society’s rules. When the needs of lower levels are satisfied we begin to pursue our destiny or calling in life. It is not possible for one to completely attain one’s full potential, so those who have mastered all other levels of needs are referred to as self-actualizing people. Maslow regards these people as spontaneous, creative, and able to perceive reality accurately without judgment. This acceptance of reality and recognition of one’s own abilities is, to Maslow, the ultimate purpose in life.

Needless to say, these people are extremely rare in the world, approximately two percent of the population. Although this need to become all one may be is innate and natural, a few things get in the way of that. As a humanistic psychologist, Maslow believed there to be nothing of value learned from non-human animals. The lower levels of needs are long standing and have evolved through time, and we can see the drives for food and survival in all life. The higher up we move in the hierarchy of needs, the more fragile the drives become. To conquer these instinctual needs is simply difficult for most, if not all people.

The other barrier for people is the fear of self-knowledge. To become a self-actualizing person, one must exercise a great deal of honesty in regards to oneself. Most people would rather ignore their own shortcomings than look them in the face. On the other hand, many people experience the Jonah complex and fear their own greatness and destiny. Many people, in Maslow’s opinion, fear success as much as failure and prevent themselves from self-actualizing in that way.

I can definitely see the importance of this theory in its time and understand why it is still prevalent today. Maslow, along with all humanistic psychologists, looked at the ideal subject rather than the flawed one. Instead of focusing on the problem Maslow turned his attention toward the solution. Albert Einstein, a perceived self-actualizing figure, was known to treat science in the same way.
The criticism that lies against the theory is also notable. Maslow interviewed only 100 people whom he predetermined to be self-actualizing. This doesn’t appear very thorough or scientific in nature.

However, it was rumored that Maslow intended to pave the way for others to continue his work in a more vigorous manner. There have been adaptation since the 70’s, including 3 more levels of needs not present in Maslow’s original hierarchy. Another criticism that begs to be recognized is that hierarchy itself. Many argue that the needs do not work in static levels building upon one another, but fluctuate and can be satisfied in any order. Regardless, the theory of self-actualization is still a popular concept today, serving a goal for many in the way they live their lives.

When I originally thought about self-actualizing people in society, I ran through the list of wise, creative, influential people of the ages. Deciding upon a present-day figure, I chose Dr. Wayne Dyer. To my surprise, Dr. Dyer was a student of Abraham Maslow. In 1980, Dyer wrote The Sky’s the Limit, which he dedicated to Maslow. It’s should be no surprise that Dyer chose to continue the work of his old professor and bring self-actualization into the 21st century. He’s the author of over 30 books and has appeared on thousands of television and radio shows. He has dedicated his life to helping others realize their own potential and live their lives to the fullest. He lives in the moment, demonstrates acceptance of all people including himself, displays creativity and innovation with his work, and lives in service to all humankind. He also looks at the ideal of human nature rather than the flaw, which coincides with his humanistic roots. In my opinion, Dr. Dyer is a poster boy for self-actualization, not to mention a model for us all.

In Dyer’s latest book, Excuses Begone, he touches on the very essence of the Jonah complex in how we fear our own success. According to his theory, we create excuses to prevent us from attaining our full potential and successfulness. In his book, he invites the reader to become extremely honest about his/her self without judgment. This type of service and guidance to others is a common theme in his work. Not only does he strive to live a fully aware life, he encourages all others to does so as well. It would seem in continuing the work of his previous professor that Dyer has dedicated his life to making that two percent a bit bigger.

My Instructor’s comments:
“Excellent paper, and good choice of self-actualizing model. I didn’t realize Wayne Dyer was a student of Maslow . . . the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Good work.”

The sound of my drum

It’s often easy to get lost in our own world, forgetting how we are connected to everything. We march to the beat of our own drum, unique and individual, however separate. I remember a time when I thought this to be the goal of oneself, to define myself apart from others. I concentrated on how my drum looked, how it sounded, how it was received, and what that sound meant. I still come back to this idea, when I feel like I’m not connected with others.
However, this singularity does not create rhythm in the world. If all of us play our drum without regard for the others in the circle there is no synchronicity, no rhythm. Chaotic, unintelligible noise is the sum, and as such, disagreement with each other. A beat can only be created when we play together. We look to someone to take the first step, to lead the intention of the music. As it is created we join in with our own voice. We can choose to play the same beat that is being played; perhaps it is not familiar to us and we learn from it. We can simply listen, if we choose. Or we can play our own beat alongside the original, contributing in our creative way by helping it grow and expand.
In this way, we connect with others in a way more powerful than our drum could ever be on its own.

Illusions – The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

My eternal friend, Delene, suggested this book to me.  When I asked her what it was about, she replied “It’s about you…”

Needless to say, I read the Richard Bach novel in a day or two.  A brief 192 pages, and I must say the story hit me a bit more than The Alchemist did.  Amidst the 4-day vacation at Delene’s house in St. Pete, the book fit right it with all the soul searching.

All in all, a good read for those in search of something mind-opening.  Of coarse, I could be wrong.

The Alchemist

While walking through the campus bookstore, I caught this title on the shelf.  I had heard many good things about it, so I finally purchased the book and read it.  A short read (only 167 pages) and certainly not as wordy as I like my authors to be.

However, the book definitely holds some light to it.  An obvious “new age” philosophy presented in the novel, but not so drilling as “The Secret” is.  It is simplistic, to the point, and I finished it in a day and a half.  I recommend it if you have the time.

Had a dream last night

..and it was pretty intense. Most of my vivid, colorful dreams leave me dying by the end of them (or the middle) but this one did not. So here it goes…

I’m lying down in the dirt somewhere. People running around me, some yelling, some fighting. I hear footsteps around my head, someone notices I’m alive. I’m grabbed by someone and thrown into a big metal elevator with grated walls and chains everywhere. There are people with weapons surrounding me and other captives.

Everyone is dirty. All clothes are worn down and makeshift. The elevator grinds and clangs to the top. Some are whispering, some crying, most are silent. I feel eerie. There’s a rumble, and the doors open.

Everyone is pushed out of the elevator. We’re like cattle. There are chains pathways, I’m being pushed from behind. “Where am I?” No response. We’re entering a room. It looks like a courtroom, only it’s round. Everyone is silent. There’s a old woman sitting in the center of the room, with a table and an empty chair beside her. One of the captives is forced into the chair. They’re whispering briefly, her face is blank. She waves to the guard, they take the captive away. Next one is up. Same deal. This happens a dozen times.

Now my turn. I sit beside her. Her eyes are black. She stares deeply in my eyes. “Where are they?” she demands.
“Where are what? What the hell is going on here?”
“The rocks, dear? You have the rocks don’t you?” She’s not being aggresive, very unlike the others. She touches my hand and asks again. “The rocks, child, have you brought them back?”

I’m perplexed. I don’t know what to say; I feel something in my pocket. A bag? I pull it out. A black velvet bag. I hold it up to her. Her eyes widen, everyone in the room gasps. There are a few older men at the front of the room, they look concerned. I pour the bag onto the table; the bag is full of runes, made of white stones.

As I pour them out, one falls off the table and rolls away. I feel it roll away. I feel the stones resting on the table. I feel everything in the room. More gasps from the room. One of the older men demand we stop. I stand up and reach for the fallen stone. It’s on the other side of the room. From there, it slides toward me. The stones on the table start to rattle. I lose control.

The stones scatter all over the place and I lift myself off the ground. I feel my hands pushing on the floor, but they aren’t touching anything. I fly through the air and almost hit the ceiling. Swirling and twisting around I lose balance and fall. Just before landing, I catch myself and float safely to the floor. Without touching them, I pick up all the stones at once, hovering them around me, then I set them down in front of the old woman. She looks pleased. I feel other stones now. They’re hidden behind the old men in front. I start pulling them out with my mind, the men are furious. They scream for order in the room as commotion erupts; I hover there in the center with stones in orbit.

I wake up.