Flame on June 16, 2010 at 2:10 pm

I have a dim shadow of a hope that one day I’ll crack this journal open and write something really happy and positive.  Today is not that day.

Well to start the shit storm off right, last week we hit a horde of ghouls.  They were all inside a church nearby a gas station we were scraping for supplies.  Sticky was outside syphoning gas when they spotted him.  (Now, this is where movies and video games get people into trouble with zombies.)  Sticky sees the horde and launches a bucket of gas at them, followed by a zippo.  I can’t fault him for it, I think most people would have done the same.  However, a hungry flesh-eating zombie cares about fire the same way he cares about what you’re wearing when he bites you.  The only difference in the bitter end: instead of a mob of zombies you now have a flaming mob of zombies, hungry as ever.  Good for you.

I imagine Sticky saw that scenario playing out differently.  We got back to the truck in time to get a few shots off, grab about half our supplies and run.  The two dozen flame-engulfed zombies overran the truck and gas pump, igniting everything in their path.  The truck went up in a blaze along with the whole fucking gas station.  We managed to get a distance between us with the fire slowing them down, looking back only to shot the ones still pursuing us.  So now we’re on foot, starving and running out of ammo – again.  We’ve been on the run until yesterday; we found an abandoned bank and sealed up in the vault for the night.  Sticky still can’t get over the fact that his fire tactic didn’t work.

When you stop to think about it, fire is a slow acting weapon.  If there’s a horde unaware of your presence and you lob a molotov at ‘em from a safe distance, they won’t have any idea they’re on fire, much less where it came from.  Then you sit back and enjoy the musky smell of burning meat-heads.  And plan to be there for a bit.  Zombies don’t cripple over and die when on fire.  They don’t feel pain, so they retain the ability to move until the muscle is complete jerky.

Like flowers at a funeral May 26, 2010 at 3:36 pm

What a fucking week.

First off, Sticky was proven wrong about his “zombie cloak” protecting his scent from flesh-eaters.  What a crock of shit.  We were about to check out this grocery store that looked abandoned when Sticky suggests the tar again.  We hadn’t seen so much as drop of blood for days, so I had to consider it.  So here we are all lubed up in this shit, sticky and smelling of burnt coal while we do a perimeter check.  The place was deserted, no electricity, so we go and crack open the sliding glass doors.  What a cluster-fuck.  The in the back of the store stood about fifty lifeless bodies.  Wall to wall ghouls oblivious to the world, and in walk three juicy humans ripe for the picking.  No zombie cloak.  As far as the zombies were concerned, we were dipped in chocolate.

Ya know, there’s a nice little moment you have with a zombie the first time you lock eyes.  It takes about 3-4 seconds before he’ll realize you’re human, especially if you startle one of them.  And in that moment, you have the slight advantage to plan the last minute of your life.

Those doors slid open, and we opened fire into the lot of ‘em before they had any idea.  Tamara was at the truck with the sniper rifle picking off any that got through the door.  After a minute or two, the street filled up and we made a run for the truck.  Thank god that thing has some power, we mowed over half of them driving away.  I still have that fucking tar on my clothes.

I give Sticky shit for using a shotgun, but honestly, it does the job in situations like that.  In close quarters with no need for stealth, the shotgun has the stopping power you need.  Not saying I’m giving up my Desert Eagle, but as long as we’re a team I feel better knowing he’s standing close by.

A Sticky Situation May 21, 2010 at 2:14 pm

Now that we’re on the move, the ammo has been draining fast.  It’s like I’m a fucking shit-magnet.  Three separate hordes in the past two days alone.  Food is running out, ammo is finite, sleep is a distant memory…but plenty of Zombies!  That should even everything out, right?

All sarcasm aside, we found another survivor.  I think his name is Steve or Sam or something like that.  We all call him Sticky.

So we stop at a gas station just off I-75 around Valdosta, and as we’re checking the joint for supplies and such…here comes Sticky.  I swear he scared the shit outta Johnny and me.  The guy had (and still has) black tar slathered all over his clothes.  I mean from head to toe.  Guy thinks it keeps the zombies away.

“Man, I’m telling you, it screws with their senses.  They ain’t used to no tar when they be looking for fleshies.  Mock me now but I swear, I ain’t seen a ghoul in days.  This is my zombie cloak. You all best get it good and on ya ‘fore they pick up yer scent.”

This guy cracks me up just by talking to him.  A little paranoid, but lets face it, the paranoid ones are pretty much all that’s left.  I guess you can’t be too safe.  Not saying I’m gonna go bathe in tar, but i like him.  Sticky is kind of a klutz, though.  If he makes it a week without a scratch, I’ll try the tar.

Johnny and Sticky are two peas in a pod.  Or I should say, Johnny likes Sticky.  This morning Johnny went over to Sticky while he was sleeping, grabbed his shoulders and pretended to bite him.  Sticky nearly shit himself when he felt the bite.  I’m surprised we didn’t have a handful of ghouls on us, he screams louder than any girl I’ve ever met.  And he nearly blew Johnny’s head off in the process.  Not something I’d do to a guy I just met in all this shit, but I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes.  I can’t remember the last time I had something to really laugh about.

On a technical note, the Desert Eagle has saved my ass over the SMG’s tenfold.  It all boils down to accuracy and stopping power.  The SMG’s use too much ammo; they’re spray ‘n’ pray guns.  The single shots are treated with more precision, hence less ammo is wasted and a headshot is more likely.

First Zombie Painting (SOLD!!!) May 15, 2010 at 10:40 pm

…and more to come.

God bless rednecks at 6:16 pm

Finally a break!  Came across a F250 with a full tank of gas, 20 extra gallons in the bed, and last but not least, guns!  This guy had a couple M-16′s, a few SMG’s, a few handguns (including the Desert Eagle), and a sniper rifle.  The Desert Eagle I found in his hand.

His body was propped up against a nearby building, and he had a bite on his left shoulder.  I guess I’m thankful he didn’t blow his brains out all over the truck.  He must have thought someone would find his supplies eventually.  If his face wasn’t blown away, I’d remember it forever.

We got in the truck and the radio was tuned into Jason Parker droning over the Survivor Code.  Johnny thinks we should check it out.  He’s never one for a positive attitude, but he seems chipper now that we have weapons.  If they’re still alive and only a 4 hour drive away, we have to try to find ‘em.  I feel uneasy about this.  We’ve got a vehicle, weapons, and ammo, but something tells me we’re gonna need a lot more.  I hear the zombies are bigger up north.

This Parker guy better be the real deal.

Art for Sale! May 12, 2010 at 2:38 pm

So after much procrastination on my part, I’m finally selling my artwork.  Any and all requests will be thoroughly considered from this point forth.  If I have a piece that you admire, buy it!  If it’s sort of what you want, and it needs tweaking, email me and I’ll make it happen.

My artistic abilities include (but are not limited to):

Paint (oil or acrylic), Graphite Drawing, Polymer Clays, Wood Working, Clothing Customization, Furniture Refinishing.

Scarce resources at 1:59 pm

Dave really screwed us over when he left.  He took nearly half of our supplies.  We’ve hit a few abandoned houses and a gas station since, but nothing to recover the loss.  Only surviving.  Hell, I’ve been defending myself with an axe lately to conserve ammo.  A sword would be better, but I can’t find anything stronger than those decorative ones in the mall.  Might as well use a piece of broken steel, as dull as they are.  What I wouldn’t do for a high-carbon steel katana.  Maybe one day.

To be honest, I can’t blame this all on Dave.  I mean, he took a shitload when he left, but we haven’t had a surplus of supplies since the very beginning.  I remember shooting off round after round not giving a shit about ammo.  Robbie used to shoot anything that moved, then shoot it again for the fun of it.  Then he’d play target practice with the dead ones.  We’d go searching for ghouls just to hand ‘em a lead shower.  We’d toss grenades off the roof just to see how many kills we could get at once.  Yeah, things seemed easier then.  We got into some shitty spots, but it was cool.  It was almost fun.

Sooner or later we’re going to have to head through more populated areas.  Everyone is edgy, cause they know it’s coming.  We need food, we need everything.  I keep having dreams about strolling around a grocery store with a train of carts filled with nonperishables.  I can’t wait ’til we come across an army surplus store or a gun shop.  Shit, I hope I live that long.  Wouldn’t that be something?

When it rains… May 6, 2010 at 5:08 pm

First Robbie and now this.  What a cluster-fuck.  Dave took off last night without a trace.  Sonofabitch took a hefty pack of ammo, food, meds, the works.  I should have seen this coming.

Dave was Robbie’s dad.  Police officer type, and harder than a coffin nail.  The only family each of ‘em had left in this shit-hole.  When the disease hit, they were on a hunting trip together up in North Carolina.  One second you’ve got a 4-point buck in your sights, the next you see a horde of flesh-eaters: what used to be your hunting camp.  When they made it back home, the whole family was already dead or undead.  Not much difference between the two, if you ask me.  At least the dead don’t run after you.  They burned the place to the ground.

That’s around the time we joined up.  Looking back now, we wouldn’t have survived long without Dave’s help.  The guy was a natural.  New where to find weapons, how to make ‘em, how to barricade in for the night, when it was safe to camp.  He got us out of a dozen tight spots without a scratch.  And now he’s gone solo.  After Robbie turned…I guess that was all Dave had left.

I only hope to see him again.

They’re out there May 4, 2010 at 3:56 pm

Kind of a weird week.  We headed through some small cities in the past few days.  I picked up a CB radio off a dead trucker.  Looks like he crashed his truck into a supermarket and flew through the windshield.  Lucky fucker.  I can only hope I go out before one of those things gets a nibble on me.

Anyway, I kicked on the radio and start sifting through the channels.  Johnny starts giving me shit.  ”It’s fuckin pointless, everybody is dead, man.  You might as well go talk to a meat-head out there in the streets.”

Then a voice comes over the speaker.

“…and always check you’re water bottles.  The contamination spreads through all bodily liquids.  The blood is the most contagious, however saliva and fecal matter have been know to carry the virus.  Never, under any circumstances, come into contact with zombie bile.  The undead with vomit this up when startled or excited.  It’s a mixture of gastric fluids and blood, and the stomach acids turn the blood cells black.  Direct contact with it and your a goner.  It’s a good idea to acquire a pair of goggles in case of a Spitter attack.  You CANNOT be too careful here, folks.  Paranoia is your friend.  Until we know more about the virus, the most important thing to do is to stay alive…”

His name is Jason Parker.  He went on about tips to use with the zombies, and helpful hints on better survival.  This guy seems to know what he’s talking about.  He’s got a group of twenty-one people in an fortified condo about 4 hours north of us.  The rest of the gang thinks we should try to find em.  But twenty people?  That’s twenty more people to possibly turn on me.

At the end of the transmission, Parker stated his “Code Of Survival” list.  I scribbled it down as fast as I could.

  1. Stay Alive
  2. Offer aide to any and all uninfected.
    1. Any survivors taken in should be inspected for bite marks or symptoms.
    2. Appearances of infection or overall disregard for the safety of the group are viable exceptions to this rule.
  3. Protect your fellow survivor.
  4. Acquire provisions when possible.  This includes, but is not limited to:
    1. Food and water (Be wary of contaminated items).
    2. Weapons and ammunition.
    3. Transportation.
    4. Medical supplies
  5. Never kill, harm, or steal from an uninfected human. Zombies are the enemies, not humans.
    1. Self-defense is always acceptable, however one shall refrain from killing humans when possible.
  6. If you are bitten or suspect infection, report to the rest of the group. This is in line with Rule #2.
    1. Any member to admit possible infection shall be given majority vote to stay or leave.  A single weapon and ammo may be provided.
    2. Pay attention to the members of your group.
      1. i.     Daily checks for bites and infection are recommended.
      2. ii.     When safety permits, check fellow members after every encounter with infected.

Psych Paper…100% May 3, 2010 at 3:55 pm

Theorist Kurt Goldstein was the first to coin the term “self-actualization” when he identified the ultimate motive to realize one’s own potential. This was the dominant motive or driving life force in that all other motives were merely products of it. However the phrase didn’t receive much light until Abraham Maslow later highlighted and expanded this idea in his hierarchy of needs theory, with self-actualization at the top. The term has become quite common in present day psychology with regard to the humanistic approach.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs consists of five levels leading bottom-to-top. The base level of needs is physiological in nature, and consists of things needs for human survival. Food, water, sex, breathing, and homeostasis are some of the needs located in this level. The next level builds upon the previous one. So long as the physiological needs are met, one may begin meeting needs of safety. These include personal and financial security, health, and general well being. The third level is concerned with love and belonging. This includes family, friendship, sexual intimacy, and social or religious groups. Often times the need for love can outweigh the needs of lower levels. For instance, a person may engage in an intimate relationship with violent person, thus ignoring the obvious need for safety and personal welfare. The fourth level of needs is that of esteem. This consists of self-esteem, confidence, respect from others and personal achievement. The top and final level of needs is self-actualization. This level can only be reached if all lower levels of needs are not only satisfied, but also mastered entirely. This level embodies the realization of one’s individual potential.

To be self-actualized is to be fully independent and free from the power of society’s rules. When the needs of lower levels are satisfied we begin to pursue our destiny or calling in life. It is not possible for one to completely attain one’s full potential, so those who have mastered all other levels of needs are referred to as self-actualizing people. Maslow regards these people as spontaneous, creative, and able to perceive reality accurately without judgment. This acceptance of reality and recognition of one’s own abilities is, to Maslow, the ultimate purpose in life.

Needless to say, these people are extremely rare in the world, approximately two percent of the population. Although this need to become all one may be is innate and natural, a few things get in the way of that. As a humanistic psychologist, Maslow believed there to be nothing of value learned from non-human animals. The lower levels of needs are long standing and have evolved through time, and we can see the drives for food and survival in all life. The higher up we move in the hierarchy of needs, the more fragile the drives become. To conquer these instinctual needs is simply difficult for most, if not all people.

The other barrier for people is the fear of self-knowledge. To become a self-actualizing person, one must exercise a great deal of honesty in regards to oneself. Most people would rather ignore their own shortcomings than look them in the face. On the other hand, many people experience the Jonah complex and fear their own greatness and destiny. Many people, in Maslow’s opinion, fear success as much as failure and prevent themselves from self-actualizing in that way.

I can definitely see the importance of this theory in its time and understand why it is still prevalent today. Maslow, along with all humanistic psychologists, looked at the ideal subject rather than the flawed one. Instead of focusing on the problem Maslow turned his attention toward the solution. Albert Einstein, a perceived self-actualizing figure, was known to treat science in the same way.
The criticism that lies against the theory is also notable. Maslow interviewed only 100 people whom he predetermined to be self-actualizing. This doesn’t appear very thorough or scientific in nature.

However, it was rumored that Maslow intended to pave the way for others to continue his work in a more vigorous manner. There have been adaptation since the 70’s, including 3 more levels of needs not present in Maslow’s original hierarchy. Another criticism that begs to be recognized is that hierarchy itself. Many argue that the needs do not work in static levels building upon one another, but fluctuate and can be satisfied in any order. Regardless, the theory of self-actualization is still a popular concept today, serving a goal for many in the way they live their lives.

When I originally thought about self-actualizing people in society, I ran through the list of wise, creative, influential people of the ages. Deciding upon a present-day figure, I chose Dr. Wayne Dyer. To my surprise, Dr. Dyer was a student of Abraham Maslow. In 1980, Dyer wrote The Sky’s the Limit, which he dedicated to Maslow. It’s should be no surprise that Dyer chose to continue the work of his old professor and bring self-actualization into the 21st century. He’s the author of over 30 books and has appeared on thousands of television and radio shows. He has dedicated his life to helping others realize their own potential and live their lives to the fullest. He lives in the moment, demonstrates acceptance of all people including himself, displays creativity and innovation with his work, and lives in service to all humankind. He also looks at the ideal of human nature rather than the flaw, which coincides with his humanistic roots. In my opinion, Dr. Dyer is a poster boy for self-actualization, not to mention a model for us all.

In Dyer’s latest book, Excuses Begone, he touches on the very essence of the Jonah complex in how we fear our own success. According to his theory, we create excuses to prevent us from attaining our full potential and successfulness. In his book, he invites the reader to become extremely honest about his/her self without judgment. This type of service and guidance to others is a common theme in his work. Not only does he strive to live a fully aware life, he encourages all others to does so as well. It would seem in continuing the work of his previous professor that Dyer has dedicated his life to making that two percent a bit bigger.

My Instructor’s comments:
“Excellent paper, and good choice of self-actualizing model. I didn’t realize Wayne Dyer was a student of Maslow . . . the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Good work.”